What Have I Become?
by Ohtori Choutarou
Summary: [HikaKaoHikaHaru][AU][Partial Yaoiincest]Its been a year since Hikaru dumped him. The once all around perfect boy, was now a cutter, druggie, prostitute, and more. Will Hikaru be able to save him in time? Or just let him die by his own hands? HIATUS!
1. Prologue

**A/N:****This story is based on a true story. And its dedicated to one of my very good friends. I hope she lives long enough to be able to read it. Also, I decided to make it a Kaoru/Hikaru fic becuase it just seemed like the perfect pairing. The whole brotherly love thang ya know? Oh, and thanks ever so much to my beta, MewMewstreet!**

**Summary:** Kaoru cant live without Hikaru. They had shared a once loving relationship, and now Hikaru is going out with Haruhi. Kaoru, who was once a very happy rich kid and almost picture perfect, was introduced to the world of drugs, alchohol, smoking, cutting, and prostitution. What will become of him? Will Hikaru actually find out what he's been doing to Kaoru this whole time? Will Hikaru come back back to him? Or just leave and let Kaoru kill himself?

Very DARK angsty fic. Beware.

**Warnings: **Yaoi; Male/Male relationships. Incest; family relationships. Rape; forceful sex, or as my friend likes to call it, "surprise sex". Language and mature theme content. **READ AT OWN RISK!**

**Disclaimer: **If I had owned Ouran, the twins would be making out in every episode/ But do they? Nope. I guess that means I dont own it.

**What Have I Become?**

_Chapter 1:Prologue_

There was a figure in the distance. Upon closer observations, it had appeared to be a boy. Right across from him sat an exact duplicate of himself. They played together in their mansion with nothing to worry about. Their naivety decieved them. Because of that, they didn't know what to expect when they set out into the real world and the horrible future which was about befall on one of the two...

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_With one last silent cry out he came in the darkness of nigh. He slumped his head back against the pillow, waiting for the latter to come. Settling in the afterglow, a pair of soft lips came to his ear and the sweetest words of all were spoken to him. "I love you Kaoru." And he collapsed on top of him. _

_Hikaru had a layer of glistening sweat covering his back, as Kaoru has observed. "I love you too, Hikaru." He had said weakly in return, trying not to fall asleep. He lightly nipped at his brothers neck one last time, and as Hikaru rolled off of his twin, they fell asleep, holding eachother, and at peace..._

At least, that's what it used to be like. When Kaoru turned 18, his world was shattered. His one and only love, not to mention his twin brother, left him for his best friend. He loved Hikaru way too much for his own good to let go and move on. He refused to move on. It was impossible. To help him cope, he created his own world. One filled with things that no one would ever dream of the once perfect Kaoru to resort to because of his infinite depression. He moved out of the mansion as soon as he could and got his own small appartment in a grungy part of town. Every night he would cut himself, not once, not twice, not three times, but alot more, and all because his brother didn't love him anymore. He abandoned him, and that was the last time he saw him as his lover.

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.:Kaoru PoV:.

There you have it. The tragic beginning of an even more tragic life. I bet you're dying to know more right? Well, this is how it all began...

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**A.N: Review. And dont worry. Ill try to update this every week. Please, please review.**


	2. It Could Have Been My Fairytale

**A/N:****Okay, I updated. I bet you guys were dying to know what happened! This chapter can get confusing. At every line break there is a change in settings. Youll get it when you see the first one.Okay, well I have some special thanks. One to my beta! Thank you so much MewMewstreet! (READ HER STORIES THEY ROCK!) And another thanks too everyone who reviewed.  
**

_Compare and Contrast  
xImperfectlyX  
X Spirit of Darkness X  
DarkShadow352  
_Goddess of Yaoi

**Summary:** Kaoru cant live without Hikaru. They had shared a once loving relationship, and now Hikaru is going out with Haruhi. Kaoru, who was once a very happy rich kid and almost picture perfect, was introduced to the world of drugs, alchohol, smoking, cutting, and prostitution. What will become of him? Will Hikaru actually find out what he's been doing to Kaoru this whole time? Will Hikaru come back back to him? Or just leave and let Kaoru kill himself?

Very DARK angsty fic. Beware.

**Warning:** See Chapter 1.

**Disclaimer: **See Chapter 1.

**What Have I Become?**

_Chapter 2:It Could Have Been My Fairytale..._

The filtered sunlight kissed the young boy's hair and skin as his eyelids slowly fluttered open from a long peaceful slumber in the arms of his lover. A beautiful sight lay before his golden eyes. His beloved twin. The blanket fell low enough to reveal his upper body glistening in the glow of the sun right behind him. He almost looked angelic, which was quite the opposite of who he really was. The twins didn't have school anymore, mainly because they were too old for it. When Kaoru looked at the clock, his eyes widened considerably at the given time. In big red numbers it said 4:00. He rubbed his eyes and looked at it again. There was no trick. He chuckled to himself as he poked his brothers cheek.

"Hikaru." He said softly. "Hikaru, time to wake up." He prodded again. Hikaru just rolled over onto his stomache and buried his face into his pillow.

"10 more minutes mom." He mumbled. Kaoru was deeply offended, sarcastically of course.

"Mom? Im not mom! Hikaru!" He pushed Hikaru, and he pushed again, this time a little too hard. A thump was heard on the other side of the bed. Kaoru went over to check it out, and to his surprise he saw Hikaru sitting on his sorry ass on the cold hard ground in the nude.

"Kaoru! What was that for?" He made a puppy dog face. "You called me mom." He pouted and turned his head away. Two strong arms sneaked up behind him and wrapped around his waist.

"Im sorry. Anything I can do to make you feel better?" He blew softly into his brother's ear, and earned himself a shiver from the other. Kaoru's face flushed as he muttered something about the washroom and headed straight for it. Hikaru sat there was a huge smirk on his face. He loved to make his brother like this, and he was proud he could.

An upbeat polytone ringtone was heard throughout the quiet room. Someone was calling him, this early in the morning? Hikaru had yet to look at the clock to find out what the time really was. He looked at the call display and it was recognized as Haruhi's number.

"Ohayo. What do you want?" Hikaru said lazy tone as he yawned.

"Ohayo! You lazy ass! Its 4:00!" She yelled through the phone. Hikaru held it at arms length to avoid any ear damage.

"Oh? It is? Whatever." He said. A few minutes went by and he screamed almost as loud as Haruhi did. "4 O CLOCK! WHAT THE HECK! ITS ALMOST DINNER!" He said huffing and puffing.

"Yeah, I know, thats why I called. You wanna go out for dinner with me?" She asked. He put her on speaker because he decided to get changed.

"Yeah sure, lemme ask Kaoru." He said as he was about to call for his brother. But unbeknownst to him, he was already standing outside the door listening.

"No! Just you and me. Like a date. No Kaoru. You dont need him anymore." She said a bit harshly. Kaoru was scared for his brothers answer. He always knew Hikaru had a soft spot for Haruhi, he just never acknowledged it or cared.

"I dont need him anymore? What are you talking about? Of course I need him! He's my lo.. He's my brother!" He almost let out that he was in love with his brother. No one knew of their forbidden relationship. And he wasn't about to let anyone know.

"Your grown up, your world is going to go in different directions. Might as well start now before its too hard to seperate." She said in a matter-of-fact voice. She really wanted Hikaru, and she wanted him bad.

"I...I don't know."He said quietly. Maybe this was his chance to actually have a real relationship, instead of one with his brother. But he loved his brother. Maybe he could love Haruhi in return.

"I guess, Ill go. But not today. What about, 2 days time, and for lunch?" He said. 'I know it will hurt, but this will help us Kaoru, we need to meet new people, and we need to seperate whether we like it or not.' He thought grimly in his head.

"Okay. See you then." He just nodded, not really caring if she could see it because they were on the phone and he hung up. Kaoru's heart stopped beating for a second. Had he heard right? Is his brother really going to go on a date with someone else? Is he really going to make them seperate? 'I thought you loved me..' His eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. He heard footsteps appraoching. He hastily wiped his tears and opened the door. Hikaru jumped when he saw Kaoru.

"Ah! You scared me! Dont do that man." Hikaru said huffing. He had to admit, the look on his face was priceless, but he was still saddened at the thought of Hikaru going out with Haruhi. He just nodded and pushed passed Hikaru to their shared bedroom.

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.:Kaoru's PoV:.

"At that moment, I knew what was going to happen. I knew Hikaru was going to dump me for that slut Fujioka." He hissed as he took a long drag from the cigarette he was holding. He was currently sporting a black leather vest that fit tightly around himself, and short shorts with long black leather boots. He wore alot of eyeliner and angry red scars decorated his arms, from his wrist to his shoulder, and on each arm. He had a few bruises on his face because his last customer was a bit rough with him. It was hard to believe that this was the same Kaoru from only a year ago.

"Gods, I miss Hikaru alot. I remember when he used to hold me at night. But now I have someone who just wants sex. It pays extremely well, but it can be painful sometimes." He took another drag as he stood up from the alley wall he was leaning on and walked onto the sidewalk, stepping on the fallen cigarette butt on the way.

"But what really hurt me was when he...wait. No. Ill let you find out on your own."

.&&..&&..&&..&&..&&.

Hikaru instantly took sight of the sullen look on his brother's face. He gasped lightly as he thought of something. Had Kaoru heard the things Haruhi said? Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. He just let the thought wander to the back of his mind as he showered. He loved Kaoru. But, it wasn't as much as he loved Haruhi.

'Maybe..' He thought. 'I should do something for him. One last thing.' He walked off towards the bathroom to take a long hot shower. A thought came to mind. It was cold, but it was sort of like a good bye present. He knew Haruhi was right. He needed to get out into the real world, and this time, without Kaoru in it. It was going to happen sooner or later. He just hoped his brother would be able to handle it. Kaoru was always more mature at times, but as time went by, Hikaru started to mature as well, almost more than Kaoru. Yes its hard to believe. Along with that, he got better at controlling his emotions and keeping them to himself instead of lashing out at someone.

The soothing sound of the water hitting his flesh and the walls put his aching mind at ease.

"On our birthday." He whispered to himself. "I will give it to him." He finished washing himself and dried himself off with a towel. He had realized he just changed before he got into the shower. It was a stupid mistake. He could avoided Kaoru hearing Haruhi if he had just not changed. In fact, alot more things would have been better if he hadn't put her on speaker.

He walked down the hall to the room and opened the door. There was Kaoru, sitting on the bed, a cute pink bandana in is hair. He had a book in hand and had headphones covering his ears. It was a cute sight. Hikaru sighed as he went on the other side of their king sized bed and wrapped his arms around Kaoru's shoulders. He took off one headphone and whispered lightly in his ear. "I love you. Dont forget it."

Kaoru froze at that moment. He knew he was lying. How much his heart wanted it, he knew it was a lie. He relaxed under his brother's gentle touch and buried his head into his neck. "I love you too Hikaru." He said softly. 'More than you'll ever know.' Echoed in the back of his mind. He felt tears sting the back of his eyelids but he forced them back.

He uncovered his head from Hikaru. He looked over to the calendar on the wall. 'So, tomorrow, I will finally be 18.' He thought to himself. Then he remembered, he never got anything for Hikaru.

"Uhh, Hikaru. I have to do run some errands...alone. Ill see you later okay?" Kaoru jumped off the bed and raced for the stores. Hikaru just sat there stunned. What had possessed Kaoru to do that? He just layed down on his bed and planned out everything he was going to do tomrrow with Kaoru before he met up with Haruhi.

Kaoru walked along the street crowded with people. He would have asked his driver but he ran passed him so there was nothing he could do about it. He had no idea what to get Hikaru. He passed a window and something shiny caught his eye. It was a necklace. A thin silver chain with a double heart at the end. It was wrapped in a devil's tail and had horns on them as well. It was perfect. He went in and bought it immediately. Although it was colourless, it was lovely. Pure diamonds, with a tiny hint of pink. He decided to pass by the market and get some of his favorite shampoo. He was running out anyways. The scent radiating from his hair due to his shampoo was that or roses. Oddly enough. It was a shampoo for women, but he loved it anyways.

Hikaru had figured everything out, when Kaoru walked in with a grocery bag in his hand. Kaoru had kept the necklace box in his pocket of fear that Hikaru might find it before it was time. He put the shampoo away in the drawer and went to the kitchen to ask one of the maids if he could make something. For a rich kid, he was very down to earth. He rarely asked the maids for anything. All because of Haruhi, he learned what a commoners life was like. And he took being this rewarded in life for being born for granted. Now he was always doing things on his own, and learning things he never knew that other people did daily. "Haruhi" He slightly hissed the name out. There was a risk she would take his beloved away from him.

The rest of the short lived day went on normally. And once again, the twins were up late. No, not late. They didn't sleep a wink. And fortunately, they didn't look like someone who didn't have any sleep. The sleepy sun arose over the horizen setting their mansion free of the grasps of the night. Kaoru rubbed his eyes, and faked a smile at Hikaru. They were finally adults. They were free of their parents rules, and that meant, they were free to seperate from eachother. He was deathly afraid of his brother leaving him. Nonetheless, a smile was on his face as he wished Hikaru a happy birthday.

Before his brother could say anything he walked out of the room and went downstairs to retrieve his jacket. For in his jacket there was the necklace he bought for his brother. He carried the small velvet covered box up to their room.

"Hikaru close your eyes and put out your hands." Hikaru looked calm on the outside, but it was quite the opposite. Thoughts like, "Oh my gosh! He got me something!" and, "Happy happy happy happy birthday to me and YOU!" and, "I WONDER WHAT IT IS!" and lastly, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!". Along with many others. Kaoru placed the box in his hand and closed his and over it, lightly kissing his fingertips, giving Hikaru the go ahead to open it.

Hikaru opened his eyes and gazed at the box. He looked at Kaoru, then the box, and repeated several times.

"Well? Arent you going to see what's in it?" Kaoru asked.

"But, why?" He asked confused. Normally, Kaoru would have given him something as a joke. But this was a box, which most likely held a piece a jewelery. He hoped it wasn't what he was thinking.

"I saw it, and I thought it was really you. Like it was made for Hikaru." He said weakly, a faint tinge to his cheeks. His brother smiled and as he opened the box, he saw something so utterly beautiful. It was the necklace. He gasped lightly as he held it in his hand. A dark thought was looming in the back of his head which made his heart break, although he did not show it.

"I love it." Three simple words that made Kaoru's heart flutter. 'He loved it.' He echoed in his mind. Kaoru knew he would like it. Then Hikaru did something that no one would ever anticipate. He kissed him. Not a small peck. No, it was a real kiss. A real kiss that was really short lived, for it ended as soon as it began. 'He's never done that before. Maybe, he does love me. No, he doesn't. It was just a pity kiss.' He thought dreadfully. His eyes glistened with a bit of happiness though. It was a kiss, from his beloved twin. And he cherished it. Mainly because, there was a risk it could be his last.

------

All their family members where there, as well as all of their friends. They were gathered in one of the ballrooms. Kaoru had his peach tuxedo on, while Hikaru has his pale blue one. They greated all the guests and each of them danced with all the girls present. Then there was Haruhi. Hikaru, no doubtfully, dance with her. They whispered things into eachothers ears and giggled at some of them. Kaoru had left the room by then. He didn't want his heart to break and then both of them to see him. He went back up to their room and unbuttoned his the top four buttons of the white shirt after he threw his jacket across the room. It hit was wall with a soft thump and his eyes started to water.

He clutched his knees to his chest and buried his head in his knees. It wasn't fair. He didn't want anyone to steal Hikaru away from him. But theres a saying, if you love someone, let them go. A very overused saying, but a true one nonetheless. Sure, he wanted to make Hikaru happy, but he was as sure as hell he didn't want to let him go. But if it came to that, he would try to accept it and try to move on. The question was, could he do it?

"Kaoru where were you! I was looking for you everywhere!" He huffed as the door slammed open. Little beads of sweat were forming on Hikaru's forehead. His tuxedo jacket was off and all the buttons on his shirt were undone except one. Kaoru didn't make a sound or move an inch. Hikaru knew something was wrong. But he didn't know what. He slowly approached his inanimate twin.

"Kaoru? Whats wrong?" He asked. After a few minutes of waiting, an answered spilled over Kaoru's lips.

"Nothing." He said. He stood up and walked towards the window. Looking out into the setting sun, staring at it, hoping it would make his brother leave him alone. It did the exact opposite.

Hikaru came and wrapped his arms around his brother's waist. He hoped to cheer him up with what he had in mind, even if it meant it would break his heart soon after.

"You know Kaoru. I still haven't given you your present yet." He breathed into his twins ear. Kaoru tried to resist, but it was unbearble. He turned Kaoru so that he was facing him. "Trust me. You'll like it."

Leaning over, he brushed his lips against Kaoru's, slowly deepening the kiss until he flicked his tongue over the warm lips.

Kaoru gasped softly, parting his lips to invite the older one to deepen the kiss.

Slipping inside, Hikaru took his time. He let his tongue explore the inside of Kaoru's mouth, enjoying the taste that was only Kaoru. Something out of the many things that they didn't share.

Kaoru moaned softly, arching up closer to the other boy. His arms pulled him closer. His tongue met Hikaru's and played with it. He teased it softly, meeting it with slow motions. All the while, his eyes drifted closed.

As Hikaru continued the kiss he allowed his hands to move to the front of his twin's shirt, and slowly began to undo the rest of the buttons and slowly slid it off his shoulders. His hands started to wander on the new patch of skin that was presented to him.

He panted softly, leaning up toward the soft touch. All the while, he wanted more, even as his tongue grew bolder in the kiss.

Removing Kaoru's shirt before lying him on the bed, Hikaru moved on top of him, just staring. Kaoru was as beautiful as the day he was born, even if they did look the same to everyone else. He could tell the difference. Kaoru was perfect, and he wasn't.

He mewled softly, running his hands slowly under Hikaru's shirt. Hikaru moaned lightly and started kissing his way down his neck.

Kaoru arched slightly into the other's touch with a soft groan.Hikaru slowly, sensually pulled the shirt off his brother. He then slowly began to trail his lips over his neck and down his chest.Kaoru moaned softly, his hair moving away from his face and revealing both eyes, heavy lidded and full of want and need.

Hikaru smirked, before nipping a slightly peaked nipple, which made it perk up the rest of the way. A soft cry escaped the younger one's lips. He moved to lap and nip at the other peak to make it as perked as the other one. Hikaru trailed nipping kisses and small love bites down his body to the waistband of his pants.

Kaoru moaned again, louder, as his eyes finally slipped shut, unable to fight the pleasure corsing through him. "Oh god... Hikaru..."

He smiled, before slowly beginning to strip his doppleganger of his pants. Once he had just those black silk designer boxers on him, he smiled. Hikaru then pulled his own pants off, along with his matching pair of boxers. He trailed his lips around the bare skin just under the bottom edge of his boxers. Kaoru reached up, his fingers playing with Hikaru's soft hair.

Hikaru smiled, kissing his way up his legs, slightly running his fingers up under the boxers.

Kaoru was shivering at the touch.

Reaching up, he slowly began to pull off his boxers. He came up to kiss him deeply. Kaoru kissed the other back. Hikaru pressed their erections together causing both to let out a groan. "Oh god..." Kaoru groaned softly, his body getting hotter. "Hikaru..."

Finally getting the boxers entirely off Kaoru' s body, he began to trail his lips up his inner thigh to lap softly at the twin sacks. Kaoru cried out in pleasure, his eyes snapping open. "Hikaru!" he panted. He smiled, slowly trailing his tongue up from the sacks to his length, slipping up it in teasing strokes.

"Ah... haah..." Kaoru's fingers twisted into the sheets tighter. "Hikaru... more... please..." He breathed out.

Hikaru licked all over the length and he began to take it into his mouth. As he did this, he used his other hand to get the bottle of lube they kept behind Kaoru's pillow and skillfully opened it and spread it on his fingers with one hand before exploring the entrance he found just under his balls. He was trying to be as gentle as he could as he slipped in his index finger in.

Kaoru's back arched off the bed, ragged breaths escaping from his bruised lips. "H-Hika-ru"

He licked around his member as he suckled, working the rigid length with slow precision. All the while, his finger worked in and out of his brother's body.

Kaoru's cries became louder and more intense. On its own accord, his lower half started to move against the probing finger. At that, Hikaru began to work in a second finger. He distracted Kaoru by taking a little more of the length into his mouth.

"Nnh! Hikaru! P-Please!" Kaoru cried, the pleasure becoming unbearable. Hikaru moved back slightly, his mouth leaving the bitter-sweet length as a third finger pressed inside, helping to stretch him more. His fingers working in him carefully. He lapped at Kaoru's skin, working his way up his body.

Kaoru looked at the other, face flushed, breathing deep. "H-Hikaru...p-please..." he begged, his legs spreading more. "Please...I n-need you."

Hikaru was readily to comply to that. He slicked up his own member before pulling his fingers out of the warm passage and settled himself between Kaoru's legs. His hot member coming to rest that the tight entrance. He leaned forward and kissed the tip of Kaoru's chin before moving upward to kiss his lips.

Kaoru kissed him back and instincly wrapped his legs around Hikaru's waist. He pushed into him with a single thrust, burying himself into Kaoru's tight heat to the hilt. The other moaned, wrapping his arms around the Hikaru's neck.

He remained there for a moment, letting him get used to being filled. He then slowly, carefully, began to move inside him, sliding out before pushing back in.

"Ah... ah..." Kaoru moaned over and over as Hikaru moved inside him. He kissed him once more, his pace slow and steady at the moment. "F-faster." Kaoru panted out. The one statement made him lose control as he thrust into his brother faster and harder. He moved, changing his angle slightly, hoping to hit that spot that would make Kaoru fall into the ultimate bliss. Kaoru began to moan and pant in pleasure. He felt wonderfully tight and Hikaru wasn't certain he could hold back much longer.

Suddenly a sharp scream filled the room, and Hikaru smirked, known fully well what he had done. "HIKARU!" Kaoru cried, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

"Kaoru," Hikaru returned, in softer, more mumbling tone. He pushed into him faster, hitting that spot over and over again, wanting to make his lover and brother find the pleasure he was giving him. Wanting him to let go... before he couldn't hold on to his own control any longer.

Kaoru filled the slient room with a silent cry of his brothers name as he came all over his and Hikaru's stomaches.

Hikaru felt the muscles clench around him, squeezing his orgasm out of him as he came inside his brother, filling him. He collasped on top of Kaoru, mindful of crushing him. His whole body was glistening with sweat, but he was content, almost. The Hitachiins were too tired to get anything across, but Kaoru tried to speak.

"Best...birthday...ever." He managed to get out. Hikaru rolled off of him and hugged his brother close to him.

Kaoru slept in his brother's arms, and right before he fell asleep he whispered a soft 'I love you Hikaru.' Hikaru's heart skipped a beat. When he was sure Kaoru was asleep, he redressed himself and left a pillow in his place. On said pillow was a note. Kaoru would read it in the morning, but right now, he was just setting in the afterglow, the theory of Hikaru not loving him forgotten completely.

Hikaru went out of the mansion, and wandered into the darkness of nigh. He came to a stop at a cross street. He whistled a familiar tune and waited. A reply drifted through the air, and Haruhi stepped out of the shadows into the soft light. They stood staring at eachother underneath a lampost for a moment and then they shared a kiss.

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.:Kaoru's PoV:.

"That night was one of the best nights of my life. But the morning was horrible. Who knew my brother was capable of that kind of hurt?" He asked himself. He walked on into the setting sun, awaiting another miserable day to befall him, and another day wondering about his brother.

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**A/N: Bear with me, I know its confusing and it sucks but bear with me until the real plot comes. Thats like, in the next chapter. Review! Believe it or not it motivates me to write more! SO HURRY! Flames accepted with bear hugs. They amuse me alot. xDD**


	3. How it All Began

**A/N: Finally! The chapter that everyone is dying to read! And here it is. Yesh, I hope you enjoy it. Gawds, it's a late update Im sorry. I originally planned for a shitlong chapter, but, it got deleted. Yes I know, baka loveless ne? Whatever. I had to rewrite it, so now its like, a bunch of thousand words shorter and it doesn't make any fricken sense at all. Oh, and there might be some ya know RAPE, but dont worry, it isn't graphic, just like mentioning, if I feel like it. I dont know. Again, THANK YOU OH LOVELY REVIEWERS! I LOVE YOU!**

...  
DarkShadow  
_X Spirit of Darkness X  
_Goddess of Yaoi  
_Saiamye Nakatashi  
__ElvishPixie  
__freyh  
__darkangel36  
__MewMewStreet  
_Mina  
_Roxanne Black  
__01-FAD3D  
__mistic fox  
__puretsubasa  
__Jaded Autumn  
__xImperfectlyX_

**Summary:** Kaoru cant live without Hikaru. They had shared a once loving relationship, and now Hikaru is going out with Haruhi. Kaoru, who was once a very happy rich kid and almost picture perfect, was introduced to the world of drugs, alchohol, smoking, cutting, and prostitution. What will become of him? Will Hikaru actually find out what he's been doing to Kaoru this whole time? Will Hikaru come back back to him? Or just leave and let Kaoru kill himself?

Very DARK angsty fic. Beware.

**Warning:** See Chapter 1.

**Disclaimer: **See Chapter 1.

**BEWARE! THIS CHAPTER IS SCREWED SO MUCH YOU NEED A SCREWDRIVER TO UNDERSTAND IT! **

**What Have I Become?**

_Chapter 3:How it All Began._

Kaoru wanted to wake up huddled in Hikaru's arms, but instead, he was hugging a pillow. A cold one at that. And strung onto it was a note. Hurt flashed through golden orbs. His hands were shaking as he took it off and held it. He couldn't believe his eyes. He read it over and over again. It couldn't be true. It just wasn't possible. He dropped the note on the bedside table when he noticed something else. It was the necklace. The one he bought for his brother. Sitting there, and cold to his burning touch. Tears welled up in his eyes as he changed quickly and ran out of the room. It wasn't a really short note. It was long, about a page. It lay on the table. The only part that hurt Kaoru the most was...

_Ive been thinking about this for a long time.  
__It's wrong.  
__We shouldn't have done this.  
__Im leaving for bit. To think.  
__Dont worry, you're still my brother, and I love you like one. _

--------------- Line break.

Kaoru bypast all the maids, and his parents. He didn't need all those presents. All he wanted was his brother. He was tired of running so far. He walked through a park, where Hikaru and him used to play when they were kids. His mom didn't approve because there were "commoners" there, but he loved it anyways. The last of the sakura trees were still in bloom. If he was in a good mood, they would have looked lovely, but he could care less if the caught fire.

Thoughts were rolling around in his head and eating at his brain. More and more questions like 'why' and 'what if' entered his head. He was thinking so hard he bumped into someone and fell onto his back.

"Ah sorry." Came from the other person. He had the aura of an adult but looked no older than 16. Raven hair tumbling down resting on his shoulders, with gentle emerald eyes that could light up the room. The raven haired boy held offered a hand to the fallen Kaoru. He waited a while, engrossed in the other when he realized the hand sitting in front of him. He put two and two together and one of the many lightbulbs flashed in his head.

"Oh, no problem. I wasn't looking where I was going." He mumbled taking the hand.

"Its common courtesy to say ones name before asking anothers. Im Julian. You are?" He stated.

"Oh umm, Kaoru." He knew that Hitachiin was a household name and with their 18 birthday everyone knew about them. It was supposed to be one of the biggest things. Sad memorys flooded upon him when remembering that.

"Kaoru? Haha, you have the same name as one of those Hitachiin twits. Funny." He chuckled.

"Hehe, yeah." He smiled sheepishly. Alot of people hated their company for kami-sama **1** knows why.

"Ill see you around hey." He waved and strolled past him.

"Yeah. See you." He said. He waved slowly back. He was getting tired and his muscles ached. Last nights activities tired him out alot. He grabbed a coffee from a nearby little restaraunt and headed home with one thought in mind.

_'I've decided. Im moving out.'_

--------------- Line break.

"Mom, why not? Im an adult. I can take care of myself. Just give me enough money to last and I can get a job or something. Please!" He argued. His mom seemed like she didn't want to let go of her little boy just yet.

"I said no Kaoru. You dont know how hard it is out there and I absolutely am not allowing one of my sons to go out and do, commoner stuff." He knew it. His mom didn't want him hanging out with commoners.

"Fine! Ill make a deal. Give me enough money to last a year, plus a driver and one servent. Let me find a place on my own and move out of here. Im old enough mom. I can do things on my own. I actually KNOW how to use a microwave!" He was trying his best to compromise. He wanted to get out of this place as soon as he could.

"But..but..what about Hikaru? I thought-"

"Well you thought wrong! We are brothers. We are two different people. With our own bodies and minds. Well dearest mother, what do you say?" He said crossing his arms and giving her a stern gaze. She gave a long sigh. She knew her son was right.

"Okay. Ill let you go. You can bring you're personal driver and Ill set you up with a servant. Which one do you want?"

"Doesn't matter. Im going to see if there are any places up for sale." He said as he went off to one of his many study rooms. As anyone who lived in the now, he looked on the internet. There were a few places, but none of them caught his eye. He had thought he found one, but he would have to share with someone else. He wanted to live alone, but when he saw who the person was. He decided on this place right away. It was the same person he bumped into today. Hopefully, he wouldn't mind if he really was one of those so called 'Hitachiin twits'.

When he got back to his room someone had already packed his bags. The room looked half empty. All of his stuff was gone. Even the presents that could fit into the room were already outta there. The things in his many many suitcases were his clothes. Knowing his mom, she probably packed some of her newest designs already, which is why he had 2 more suitcases than he had planned. One of the maids came in and haulled a suitcase out to the front where a limo was waiting.

"Uhh, mom." He tapped her on the shoulder. She nodded and gave a small 'mmhmm'.

"Why is my stuff already being packed? I havent even rented the place yet, much less called it." She winced when she heard the word rented. She had assumed he would buy a house. A big one too. Not rent something. It reminded her of something already being used, and that gave her shivers.

"Hmm? I thought you already got it? Its too late to unpack everything so go call them." She said right after she said something in the phone.

"Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Can I use the phone?" He asked slightly annoyed. He could have used his own phone but it was already packed somewhere.

"Oh sorry." She said something into the phone and handed it over to Kaoru. He looked on his hand where he wrote down the number and called.

_"Its the ME residence. Whaddya want?"_ He asked in a nonchalant tone.

"Uh, hey. Its Kaoru here. Remember?" He tried not to laugh at Julian's way of answering the phone.

_"Oh yeah, the Hitachiin twit look alike. Just a sec. How the hell did you get my number."_

"Internet."

_"Oh really?"_

"Yep. I hear your looking for a roommate."

_"Mmhmm. And why would you care?"_

"I need a place to stay. And you better say yes. Because Im already packed."

_"And if I refuse? Just kidding. Sure you can room with meh. But I have to warn you. The...erm...neighborhood might not be of your liking."_

"Whatever. I just wanna get outta here. See you in a couple of minutes."

_"Yeah bye."_ And he put down the phone. He sighed a long sigh. He really couldn't wait to get out of here. Right at this moment, he didn't care what his brother is going to do, and he certainly didn't care if he would ever see him again, and how wrong he was.

"Hey mom. Can I have my money now?"

"Sure dear." She said. She took out a gold card that had his name on it.

"If you were a commoner it will last you about 10 years, but you're not. So it will probably only last about 1. Now off you go before I decide to make you stay." He nodded and turned to leave the house. He paused for a second.

"Mom. Can you tell...Hikaru..that I love him for me?" He said without looking back.

"Sure sweety." She said as he walked out to the limo.

.&&..&&..&&..&&..&&.

.:Kaoru's PoV:.

"At that moment, I didn't know what the hell I was getting myself into. Really, looking back on it, this is where it all began..." His voice drifted off as he stared at his current residence.

"It was kind of funny. Julian's reaction, when I showed up in a limo with a truck behind it. He didn't expect me to be that Hitachiin twit he was always complaining of having too much money. I wonder...what is Hikaru doing this very second..." His voice trailed off to thinking about his brother for the millionth time today.

"Ah oh well. Where did I leave off...oh yeah..."

.&&..&&..&&..&&..&&.

Driving to the destination where he was going to live, for who knows how long, had very interesting scenery. It looked like it was in the rotten part of town. Maybe it was, because it took him and hour to get there, especially with all the winding roads and traffic jammed streets. The Hitachiin estate was in a very clean roomy kind of place. But then again, it could have been mistaken for a mini mall.

The limo slowly came to a hault and the chauffer came around and opened the car door.

"We are here Mister Hitachiin."

"For the last time, call me Kaoru. We aren't in front of my parents anymore." Kaoru said in a very annoyed voice. The man just grunted and stepped aside to make room for Kaoru.

Sunglasses were glinting in the sun while his necklaces clanged together as he gracefully got out of the limo in his stunning designer clothes. He pulled the glasses down to his nose and look left, then right, then up at the condo. It was a good size for a regular family, but just how big was Julian's suite?

"Wow, Ive never seen one of these up close before. Things are going to be very interesting from now on." The last words stabbed his heart. Hikaru had once said them to him. It was around the time when Haruhi bumped into them and they started hanging out.**2**

He walked up to the entrance, pressed the button with Julian's name beside it, and waited..and waited...and waited. Then, out of nowhere, there was a screeching sound and a grunting sound as the doors clicked open. He just shrugged his shoulders and went in. He strolled to where the elevator was and pushed the button. It opened right when his finger came in contact with it, a handsome well built man stepped out. His clothes were slightly ruffled and his hair a mess. He just brushed it aside and stepped into the smokey smelling elevator and went up.

As soon as the doors opened he stood face to face with a grinning Julian.

"Ello there." He said smiling in an eerie way. He handed Kaoru the key to the place.

"Uhh...hi?" He said. Kaoru was starting to feel confused, as well as scared.

"Welcome to my HUMBLE abode!" He said as magical sparklers and cheers were heard in the background, although there was no one there.

"Yeah, humble, got it. Anyways, something I have to tell you." He said.

"Okay, shoot."

"Is it okay if I have two other people with me?"

"Sure! The more the merrier."

"Kay good, because they are my personal servant and chauffer. Im going to be sending up my stuff in a moment. Oh, and by the way, I am the Hitachiin twit which you speak so highly of." He said as the elevator doors closed. Julian stood there stunned. The Hitachiin twit was staying at his house? He was scum! He didn't know it, but this predicament was going to send them into a world which they might not return.

--------------- Line break.

After unpacking everything in the small apartment, Kaoru realized he was going to have to send some stuff home. After he finally located his cellphone he called home for another one of his servants to help out with all the stuff. He got his own room and took a good look around. It had few decorations but it was big enough, but only about a quarter the size of his room back at the mansion.

He was so used to having a room just for all of his clothes, that when he saw the tiny thing in the appartment, his jaw dropped. This was going to be alot harder than he thought.

All of his clothes were designed by his mom, of course. If he bought anything else, she would kill him. Just then Julian popped his head in looking around the room.

"Hey, uhh, Kaoru, can I..come in?" He asked shyly. He didn't know why he was so stuttery now, maybe because he was going to be living with one of the RICHEST people in the country, but who knows.

"Sure. Just uhh, sit on the bed or something." He said trying to arrange his closet. He had sent half of his stuff back to his house, yet he still didn't have enough room.

"Thanks.." He mumbled quietly. He just stayed there for about 20 minutes, watching the rich kid in his apartment try to arrange his closet with the amount of clothes he had. It was very amusing, the way he would get so frustrated and throw some of his clothes out, or just sit for a few seconds before trying again. Eventually there was a pile on the place beside him on the bed.

"Okay, these clothes go to some charity. I only need these ones." Julian looked in the closet and he was astounded. All the designer clothes that looked so good on him.

"Well, nice clothes I see. Anyways, lets go to a club tonight. Im in the mood to dance." To prove it he got up and he showed some dance moves.

"Sure, I like dancing as well." And Kaoru tried to copy Julian in a sarcastic manner. They laughed a bit and went to get something to eat.

--------------- Line break.

After 2 hours of getting to know each other and officially goofing off, they came home and got ready. When they came out, they both stared at each other in awe. Julian was wearing leather shorts with knee high boots. A leather vest with a red tank underneath, eyeliner, and a few accessories, he was complete. Kaoru, on the other hand, was wearing black tight jeans, a white blouse that was rolled up to his elbows, a pinstripe skintight vest on top, with a necklace and earrings.

"You look-" They both said at the same time. "Hot"

"I know I am, thanks." Julian said smugly.

"Haha, sure." Kaoru said.

"Theres something missing about you." Julian said eyeing Kaoru slightly.

"What is?"

"You need...eyeliner!" Kaoru stared at him dumbfoundedly.

"Eyeliner? Ive never worn the stuff in my life."

"Dont worry, eyeliner is your friend. It will HELP you!" Julian said throwing himself at Kaoru eyeliner in hand. He tackled him to the ground and held Kaoru still with trying to put it on. After 5 minutes of what seemed to be forever, they got up and Kaoru dusted the imaginary dust off.

"I really dont think that was necessary." Kaoru scoffed.

"Hell yeah! You dont look hot anymore. You look sexy. I mean even I would jump on you." Kaoru just looked at him as if he grew a second head.

"But that doesn't mean I will!"

"Okay good."

"'Okay good'? What is that supposed to mean huh?"

"You are so screwed over Julian, you know that?" Kaoru said annoyed.

"Thanks, I try my best. Now, shall I escort you to the limo?" He asked as he held his arm out for him.

"Sure." Kaoru said as he took the offered arm and they walked off together. For more than 3 hours, he finally didn't think about Hikaru, and he was happy for it.

--------------- Line break.

A large neon sign blinked in front of him. It flashed the letters 'Club 87'. He didn't understand why the owner had named the club that. Maybe because he was bored and had nothing else to do. Julian stepped out of the limo and offered a hand to Kaoru.

"You know, Im not a lady you need to wait on." He said.

"I know, but you have money." He winked as he led them up to the bouncer. Somethings that Kaoru didn't know about Julian were about to be revealed in that very club. The truth was, Julian was a dancer there, and he had many adoring fans. Kaoru was about to find out how adoring.

Julian led them to a booth off to the side. The music was booming through his ears, lights flashing around him, and he could see all the people dancing out on the floor. Most of them were boys, but that didn't bother him. After all, he has had sex with his brother. The only thing that would bother him would be yaoi incest necrophelia.**3** He shivered at the thought. It was disgusting, but then again some people are insane to the bone.

"Anything to drink?" He asked.

"Dont care. Ill have whatever youre having." He said back, absentmindedly looking towards the dance floor.

Julian came back with two drinks and set them on the table.

"Lets go dance." Kaoru said. He didn't wait for an answer and grabbed Julian and started to dance. Someone was whistling but Kaoru ignored it. He just wanted to have some fun tonight. Unbeknownst to the two of them, there was someone watching in the background.

Some came up behind Julian and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hello, can't you see Im busy here?" He said.

"Oh, too busy you cant even talk to me?" He stopped and turned around. He knew that voice.

"Kyouya! Its been forever!" He said as he glomped him. Kaoru was forgotten, but he didn't mind. For a rich brat, as some may call him, he wasn't always craving attention.**4**

"Yeah, call a week forever why dont you. Oh, and who is this pretty thing you have here." He said noticing the lone Hitachiin standing slightly behind Julian.

"He's my new roommate. Kaoru. Meet Kyouya Ohtori. He's my dancing partner. We're well known about these parts." He said proudly to Kaoru.

"Pleasure to meet you." Kaoru nodded and shook his hand. Green flashed in front of his eye for a second and he had the feeling he was being watched.

"Yeah, same. Julian, Im tired, Ima go sit down kay?" He said as he looked around nervously.

"Kay. Ill be here on the dance floor." He started dancing with Kyouya. They looked good together. Kyouya's moves were graceful yet stern in a way and it was something to watch really. No wonder they were well known. Kaoru went to the washroom looked at himself in the mirror. Julian was right, he did look good. A few tears fell down his face. Then why did Hikaru leave him. It wasn't fair. Right now, he needed to stop thinking of Hikaru for good and start a new life. A different one.

"What's someone as handsome as you doing in a place like this?" Said a very low seductive voice from behind him. He was hidden in the shadows so Kaoru couldn't see what he looked like. He started to panic. He had never been in this kind of situation before and he was scared about what was going to happen.

"Who are you. What do you want?" He tried to keep a calm facade but that plan backfired into the next century.

The figure stepped out of the light as his eyes glinted at Kaoru.

"I dont think you need to know that right this second." He said huskily as he pulled Kaoru into a stall and kissed him. His breath was repulsive. Kaoru knew what was coming next. By judging the size of the man, he knew he wouldn't be able to get away. It was going to be a long night, full of pain, and some regret.

At that exact moment, Hikaru was about to kiss Haruhi when he felt a stab of pain flow through his mind. It's what would have been twin sense, but right now, he just brushed it off and told himself Kaoru was sitting in his room, probably reading a book and away from any possible danger. But something in the back of his mind kept nagging him.

Back at the club, Kaoru was in the stall, worn out, bleeding and didn't have a working muscle in his body. At that point in time, he really didn't care about what had happened before, he just wanted to sleep. His eyes were closing into darkness when he heard Julian's voice fading out.

.&&..&&..&&..&&..&&.

.:Kaoru's PoV:.

"Hmm, first night out at a club with Julian. Didn't go the way I planned really. But the funny thing was, I enjoyed what happened. Started me off on this road really. I wonder what would have happened if that never did." He was reminiscing about his past. He walked by Club 87. He was a regular dancer there. Some people even paid him to dance privately in the booths. He didn't mind.

"I remember when Julian found me, he was in a wreck-" He was rudely interrupted by said person.

"Now who's talking about me?"

"Speak of the devil."

"Wow, Im flattered." He said attempting to flutter his eyelashes.

"Cute" Kaoru said dully as he kissed him.

"Lets go home Kaoru." Julian said as he held his hand.

"Sure. "

"What were you thinking about hmm?"

"I was just thinking about how we met. Funny thing really."

.&&..&&..&&..&&..&&.

**NOTES:**

**1** Its like a god...I think. Well, if you want to make sense just put GOD there. Kays?  
**2** I couldn't think of a better excuse to have them meet Haruhi.  
**3** Necrophelia I think thats how its spelt is like, someone raping dead bodies. Nasty eh? I read a story where a brother carried his dead brother everywhere and whenever he was loney he would rape it. EW! Gives me nightmares thinking about it.  
**4** I decided Kyouya would be Julians dance buddy. He has taken on a completely new personality. Sorry people.  
_End/_

**A/N:Sorry, I didn't know how to end it! PLEASE FORGIVE ME I KNOW I SUCK! Really bad chapter. I hate it. I told you you needed a screwdriver to understand this chapter. Stupid filler chapter explaining the nasty beginning! GAH! I suck so bad. ANYWAYS! How did you like it? I hope it was okay. And I want to add the rest of the Host Club...BUT! I have come across a problem. Where shall I put them? What shall they be? Will they be on Hikaru's side or Kaoru's? I WANNA KNOW! And, if you dont give me ten reviews, I wont update PLUS:I'll either torture a character other than Kaoru or kill them off, ONE BY ONE! And if anyone wants to try and draw Julian be my guest, they may get a special part in the story!**

**I know Im evil. And dont worry, Ill fit it into the plot somehow. Thanks for reading, and review, or someone gets it.**


	4. Destroy and Rebuild

**A/N: Okay! For everyone who reviewed the last chapter and had a question about why Kyouya didn't recognize Kaoru, here's the answer. Remember, this an AU story, meaning ALTERNATE UNIVERSE, so because of that, the HOST CLUB never happened. And Kyouya might not be rich, and all that. But anyways, thanks so much for the reviews you guys! And Ive decided that I wont kill anyone in this chapter. But I might be introducing another host club person. Probably Tamaki. Hmmm, who knows what role he will play in this weird story. And everyone in this story is based on a REAL person in REAL life...sorta. So don't blame me for the OOCness! GOT IT? Okay, and again, thanks so much for the reviews. I know I have to finish this story. Gah! Also, I never planned this to happen. It was supposed to be something different. Also, theres some nasty stuff. Beware. Squeamish look away! Or not. Its not that bad. Just...disgusting to think about. **

Shadow  
_PuraJazzBot  
__Jaded Autumn  
__xImperfectlyX  
__MewMewStreet _**BETA! WOOT! **  
_01-FAD3D  
__darkangel36  
_panchuu  
Kiba1234  
_DarkElixier66  
__Crimson2006_

**Summary:** Kaoru cant live without Hikaru. They had shared a once loving relationship, and now Hikaru is going out with Haruhi. Kaoru, who was once a very happy rich kid and almost picture perfect, was introduced to the world of drugs, alchohol, smoking, cutting, and prostitution. What will become of him? Will Hikaru actually find out what he's been doing to Kaoru this whole time? Will Hikaru come back back to him? Or just leave and let Kaoru kill himself?

Very DARK angsty fic. Beware.

**Warning:** See Chapter 1.

**Disclaimer: **See Chapter 1.

**What Have I Become?  
**_Chapter 4:Destroy and Rebuild  
;;__**I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO NAME THE CHAPTER! SUE ME!;;**_

Sunlight filtered through the tattered sheets and splayed across the lump in the bed. Light rays dancing upon the contours of said lump as it sturred slowly. Golden eyes slowly revealed themselves to the bright, early morning. Kaoru stretched his arms and yawned. He rubbed his eyes slowly as a chuckle came from the other side of the room.

"Ohayo, Kaoru. You know, you really looked like a cat just now." Julian said coming closer to the bed.

"Ohayo Julian. What happened last night. My body is killing me right now." He said rubbing his back.

"Uhh, about that..." Julian said. Abruptly, all of the memories of what happened last night came rushing back to him in a flood of freezing rain. He shivered as he remembered certain aspects, but nothing bothered him.

"You...okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, Im okay, I guess." He answered lightly. He wasn't really taken with the fact that he just got raped. If he was a virgin, it would have been terribly painful, but Hikaru had dealt with that a couple of years ago.

"Are you sure? I mean, come on, you were RAPED." He tried to make the word come to life with hand motions.

"Yeah, Im fine. It wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. It was..tolerable actually." He shrugged, not caring that the sentence he just said didn't make sense at all.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Julian grabbed Kaoru's shoulders and started shaking him. "You were raped! Hello! Does that not MEAN anything to you?"

"I guess not. I think, I just want someone to love me. So it was forceful, very, but it felt as if..." He trailed off, not needing to finish off his sentence. Julian made an oh with his mouth and hugged him. He knew what it felt like to be unloved. His secret lifestyle was proof of that.

Right now, Kaoru's mind was swirling with many thoughts.

"I know how you feel. By the way, you never fully explained what happened between you and your brother. All I know is he did something awful." Kaoru's eyes widened slighty as he looked at Julian. He knew he would have to tell him sooner or later.

"It's really simple actually. I loved my brother, more...more than I was supposed to, more than God willed me too, and that ended up with me getting hurt. I can't live with him after he dumped me. Seeing him everyday and knowing he doesn't love me anymore would really hurt. But maybe it's all a lie. All I really want is someone who will love me, and not leave just because theres something wrong with it." He said slowly. It brought back painful memories. Unshed tears prickled at the back of his eyes, but he forced them to stay put. He didn't want to cry anymore. He did enough of that.

Julian hugged him tighter and whispered in his ear.

"Dont worry, Im here for you now." He didn't know the true meaning behind those words, and he didn't know what they would bring upon the two.

"Thank you." He whispered under his breath as he hugged Julian back. _'Maybe I could get used to living here. It wont be so bad...'_ Kaoru thought.

Kaoru went back to lay down on his bed as Julian sat on the side. They stayed there like that, and soon Kaoru fell asleep. Julian looked at the face and one word came to his mind. Angel. His face was slightly glowing, probably because of the light, and the normal mask he wore when he was awake was torn off. He could see Kaoru's true beauty. He sighed deeply.

He knew, that soon enough, Kaoru would get drawn in. He had yet to learn of the things Julian did. It didn't matter if he was a good example or not, he just didn't want to get Kaoru hurt in any way. He knew some of his friends were harsh, and that they got him into doing the wrong things.

Kaoru started tossing and turning slightly. A sheer line of sweat appeared on his brow. Julian looked a bit worried, but decided not to get bothered by it. He went out of the room to catch his own shut-eye for the next few hours.

_**Im dreaming of you...**_

_Rain pelted down in onto the grey sidewalks. Kaoru walked along, kicken a can as he went. He was only wearing a white tank top with shorts. The rain never bothered him at all. It was calm, and he could always think more clearly. A flash of lightning and the rolling of thunder filled the gloomy sky. He turned into a dark alleyway. It was dark, no black. Pitchback. He couldn't see anything._

_A flash of lighting. A pair of eyes flash in front of him. The rolling of thunder. Maniacal laughing heard in the distance. Sounds of footsteps slowly approaching as the tension in him builds and builds. Another pair of footsteps behind him. He cant hold it in much longer._

_Hands come up and grab his shoulders and a shrill scream erupts from his throught. He is thrown down to the ground and is knocked out. _

_He wakes up. Its a maze of hedges. Roses are black, and thorns are sticking out in every direction. A voice chuckled inside his head. _

10 minutes.

_"Ten minutes to what." He called out wimpering. _

10 minutes to get out.

_Kaoru gulped and started running in a random direction. Voices were inside his head, telling him he was going the wrong way. Or that he wasn't going to make it. The maze shifted. He recalled a movie similar to this, with wizards, and a cup. Shoving that aside, he came upon a long path. There was no way to go but down there. Dramatic music started playing out of nowhere. Now he was scared._

_He ran down the end of the path. Traps were being triggered and sharp objects started to jump around. One sliced his cheek, another sliced part of his shorts. He was bleeding alot, but all he did was he wanted to get out._

_At the end of the path there were two ways to go. He looked to his right and there was a white light at that end. He looked to his left and there was an image. It came rushing up to his face and he let out another shrill scream. _

_There, in front of him, was Julian's body impaled on a golden sword. Why the sword? He didn't know. It might have symbolized something, but the blood oozing down and pooling at the bottom was just horrific. His face was burned off, and you could barely see where his nose used to be. It was just two whole in his face surrounded by dark red waves of burnt skin. _

_Only one eye remained. The other was no where to be found. Hair looked like it had been ripped out. A part of his skull was showing and adding to the ever growing amount of blood streaming from his body. Arms and legs were bent in a way they aren't supposed to. His intestine was falling out a hole in his back. Skin ripped open and created a gaping hole in his back. Kaoru wanted to look away, and vomit somewhere, but he couldn't. This was his new found friend. And it scared him, so much._

_A voice bounced around in his head. Julian. It was haunting him. Telling him he was disgusting. Telling him he was the worst. For no apparent reason. The sound of ticking errupted in his mind and that told him he had to go. He slowly pushed himself past the body. Julian's head turned toward Kaoru and the voice came back. _

No one will ever love you. You'll die alone. And no one will bother to remember.

_Kaoru's breath hitched as he kept on running past. He turned another corner, and the ticking continued. It was so slow. Driving Kaoru slowly insane. Haurhi appeared in front of him and he almost crashed into her. He actually fell right through her. She didn't say anything. She had no mouth. She didn't see anything. She had no eyes. She didn't hear anything, she had no ears. _

_Invisible threads came out from her fingers and wrapped around Kaoru's body. Everywhere, slowly cutting the flesh open leaving trails of blood, soon turning into rivers falling down his body. He screamed in pain as the slowly dug deeper and deeper. He opened his eyes and saw Hikaru walked towards him with a smirk on his face. His eyes told him everything. "Its fun to watch you suffer in pain." They said to him. He stepped his foot and released another trap. The threads loosened their grip on Kaoru and Hikaru stepped forward more. He didn't speak, for his voice echoed in Kaoru's mind._

Did you really think I loved you? As if. You're disgusting. Just look at you now. You are no brother of mine.

_Kaoru felt hot tears pouring down his cheeks as a hald came to slap him. His cheek started burning with immense pain. Nothing could stop it. _

I never loved you. You were nothing to me. I hate you.

_"Salt" He said under his breath. Hikaru had rubbed salt on his wounds. The cut on his cheek was burning, as well as all the other scratched that came in contact with his hand._

Pitiful excuse for a brother

_A swift kick came to his gut, and blood splurted from some gashed made from the threads. He uttered one last shrilling scream..._

_**...And it ended in a nightmare**_

"Ahhhhh!" Kaoru bolted out of bed. White light clouding his vision. Was he still alive. Was he bleeding anywhere? It was all a dream. Something nipped at his cheek and it started to burn a bit. His hand came up and covered it.

"Kaoru what's wrong!" He almost expected Hikaru to sit up beside him and hug and kiss him and tell him in was all a dream.

"Kaoru, you're face." Julian looked at it. There was a cut there, and it was red.

"I don't know. It...it was horri-" He choked as he sobbed into his knees. It felt too real. He wanted it to end.

Julian promptly went to comfort him. It must have been a horrible nightmare.

"It's okay, it was only a dream. Nothing really happened. It was all your mind." He breathed into his ear as he hugged him and rubbed his back in soothing circles. Kaoru clutched onto the front of his shirt and sobbed.

"It was too real. It...was..-" He stopped again only to let out more tears. It was so painful. The dull stinging on his cheek was proof that it was real. His sobs slowly started to turn into little hiccups.

"You...okay now Kaoru?" He asked. He slowly laid him down back on the bed. Kaoru's shirt rode up and revealed smooth creamy skin. Julian felt a faint tinge come to his cheeks.

"It's going to be alright." He said as he slipped under the covers and held him. Kaoru thought they didn't fit as well as he and Hikaru, but it didn't matter. He wanted someone to hold. He drifted back into the dream world again. He heard comforting words in the distance, and felt a light pressure on his lips.

"Im here for you Kaoru." And Julian lightly kissed his lips. He didn't mean to. It was an accident. When Kaoru would wake up, he'd say it was a heat of the moment thing. Nothing more. But his deepest desire wouldn't let it just be nothing. Its been a few days and he's already starting to fall. But the question is, will Kaoru be there to catch him, or just let him break?

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**ALWAYS READ THE A/Ns OR YOULL MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT! THIS IS A MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY ME AND IT APPLIES TO ALOT OF STORIES! PLEASE! EVEN IF THEY DO SEEM POINTLESS! READ THEM ANYWAYS! SOME THINGS MIGHT BE IMPORTANT!**

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Julian woke up first. Upon looking on the sweet face that was Kaoru, he decided not to wake him up. He didn't usually spent all his time sleeping. He had a customer tonight. He was usually in Kaoru's room, but he would have to go to his other appartment tonight. Just to make sure Kaoru wouldn't think he abandoned him, he left a note. Short and simple.

_Gone out.  
Don't think too much.  
__Julian._

He grabbed his jacket and left.

The sound of the door being closed had awoken Kaoru. He was afraid to wake up. He was scared that everything he dreamed would be real. He looked around, and Julian was gone. He was too dense at the moment to look for a note, the one that was stuck on the door, and he suddered. It was like the other dream.

_"Julian! Where are you?" He called into the ocean of night. There was nothing anywhere. _

_"You said you were here for me. Where are you." He said into his scarf. It was cold that night, even if it was summertime. He walked back to the appartment, hoping he would be there. Instead, there was Hikaru._

_Sitting on his bed, acting like he owned the place. He had an aura around him that said kneel down before me. Kaoru was scared. His brother never acted like this. It had to be a dream. Yeah, thats right. A dream._

_Hikaru got off the bed and walked towards Kaoru. He kicked his knees, and his legs buckled so he was kneeling on the ground. He looked up slowly, and one word came from his mouth.."Why?"_

_Hikaru stared at him, and burst into laughter. It hurt Kaoru so much. _

_"You really wanna know why? Why what? Why this? Well, I realized, it's not all that cool to have an exact image of yourself, a doppleganger, walking around beside you. And it pisses me off. I had to leave you. I wanted to." He left the room and walked away. Hikaru was always doing this to him. It wasn't him. He knew Hikaru better than anyone. This isn't Hikaru._

_Kaoru got on the bed and cried himself to sleep. He wanted all this to stop._

It was almost the same. Exactly. Kaoru rolled over and breathed deeply. It was Julian. He could smell him on the pillow, and it calmed him down. Something before, only Hikaru could do. He closed his eyes, and the image of Julian impaled on a sword came back to him.

Golden orbs shot open. He couldn't back to sleep. It would haunt him. He had to be a good boy and stay awake. Kaoru sat up and brought his knees to his chest.

Paranoia was creeping on him. He didn't know that. Everything felt so real. A sharp pain in his head shot him out of his mini trance. He went to the kitchen and tried to find something that will get rid of the headache. He found something, not really sure what it was, but it was worth a shot. He gulped down the tiny white capsule, and the pain disappeared, almost instantly.

Over the next few minutes, weird things started to happen. He couldn't see straight. He thought he saw Hikaru, but he was really looking into a mirror. The mirror Hikaru started to talk to him. Telling him things he couldn't understand. And evil smirk on his face grew and Kaoru stepped back. He bumped into Haruhi, which was really the door, and she looked at him with sad eyes. He always thought he was her friend. She started to play with his hair. Braiding it here and there, cutting some off here and there. He finally realized what she was doing and ran away again. He came into the living room and bumped his knee on the table, but what he saw, was Julian hitting him. He fell and hit his head on the couch. Everything was spinning now. And he was utterly afraid. He wanted to make sure this wasn't real. He slapped himself, but he still saw everyone. They were all grinning. He tried to make sure he was dreaming again. Asleep, anything that would stop this. He couldn't feel any pain. It wasn't right. He had to make sure.

He ran into the kitchen and took a knife from the drawer. Dragged it across his wrist. It felt small. Nothing. Only like someone poking you in the arm. He did it again. And he felt more. Everytime, he felt more. He didn't stop until it hurt like it should. He dropped the knife onto the ground, and fell to his knees. Everyone was starting to disappear. He felt like himself again.

He went to get the first aid kit, and bandaged his arm. There were so many cuts. It wasn't right. He had never done this before. And for once, it almost felt okay. He sat, back against the counter. Why was Hikaru haunting like this?

He thought for so long. It killed him. He wanted his brother back. But he needed to stay with Julian to avoid getting hurt like that again. This wound wouldn't heal over time, he knew that.

"You can't fix something that's already broken." He said to himself.

_'But you can rebuild it.'_

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**A/N: Sokay. It sucks. Dont blame me! I updated woot. I really dont know what to put at this part. But whatever. I know the last line doesn't make any sense, but if you think about it. If a glass falls on the floor it shatters. It becomes broken. You can't fix it, but you can rebuild it. Somehow...Anyways, whatever. And I shortened the amount of time I want my reviews! **

**10 reviews in a week. I like my reviews! Pretty please? Reviews make me write more. On days I get reviews, I write more. Alot more. But alas, school has started. And BAM! On the first day I get assigned a LONG ASS term project. YAY ME! Stupid Mister Kuniss, and his zeros so big you can roll them home. **

**PLEASE VOTE! I want to you know if you guys want something to actually happen between Julian and Kaoru. If not, I can do something to make it even more sad.**

**Anyways, review, and make someone live longer. **


	5. Gomen Nasai

Umm, hey guys. Im really sorry to say, but I just cant continue this story.

I know Im giving up early, and Im terribly sorry, maybe later when I get it fixed up, and maybe more experienced in writing.

I was really planning to update, but I guess I didn't have "it" in me. Whatever "it" was.

I hope you guys understand, but be on the look out, I might re-do this story.

And the reason Im deleting it complety is because I dont want someone to read it in the future and wait forever for an update that they'll never get. Its cruel and very heart breaking, at least, for me it is.

Again, Im sorry, and happy reading to you all in the future!

Ohtori Choutarou ♥♥♥


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